Hey,
How have you been? I miss you.
You know, I miss the way you talk.
It was always so fluid and vivid, like you were the narrator of everything.
It showed me how much in touch you are with people and how much you were in control of your own life. I loved how you would describe things in a silly way, just to make sure everyone was on the same page as you. I tried doing that, but I just end up sounding too silly for my own good and have everyone laugh at me.
If you didn’t know, I started smoking again. I’m sorry. I know I wasn’t supposed to but ever since you left I just couldn’t stop, you know?
I know it’s bad, I know you wouldn’t want this, so I’m going to stop, even my dear friend told me to and I made her a promise I would stop so I have no choice!
I just wonder how you are right now..
I hope you’re okay, I hope you’re content!
I know I would be if I didn’t have to go to school or deal with work..
I also wonder what it would have been like if you were here.
I wonder what would have happened if we were still together. Do you sometimes wonder, too?..Every time I smoke I think about you. It’s hard to tell because most of the time I laugh, but deep down inside I keep you in the back of my head..it’s like that quote from that movie, “Old boy”, “Laugh and the world laughs with you. Weep, and you weep alone.” Don’t you agree? Sorry, I’m going on a tangent here.
But it’s hard not to think about you.
I just want you to know that I still haven’t forgotten about you. And I don’t think I ever will. No, I’m not just saying that, I really mean it. I miss our times together. From short talks to long talks from morning to night, and the first kiss.
You really helped me with the way I grew up. From tying my shoe to math problems, you were my professor. My best friend. A lover. I’m not going to say you’re the ultimate one, but you definitely were the first to show me the different side of you. The different side of the world. A different way of living.
I really miss you. Every time this day comes I tremble and fear for everyone because of what happened..it’s just a sad reminder that you’re not here anymore.
I know you would want me to forget, to move on and live life without thinking about you, but that’s impossible. I love you, okay? I really do mean it, even if you’re not here anymore.
Please be okay. I hope to see you soon.
Happy Birthday.
Make a wish from the heavens for me.

- Love, xx