Today, I just feel like blegh. Not bad, not sad, ok maybe a little melancholy, but just blegh.

The decisions I’m making right now are not the most preeminent one.
Sure, we’ve gotten this far but is it really worth the trouble?

From the way I see it, there are two sides in life.

One where you experience enough and you are able to predict and anticipate what will happen or you will be struck by it unknowingly and will have to make your best effort with what you’ve got.

Look at it this way:

Two people on the subway-

One is on the train, pummeling through stops and heading across Tokyo in 200 miles per hour. This one knows the amount of time the train gets from Kanagawa to Nagoya. Having missed their stops several times, got off the wrong stations and got on the wrong trains, they have learned from mistakes and it does not matter if they are faced with the same problem since they will know what to do, just like how viruses and one’s immunity system works.

The other person is rushing to the station, not knowing if they’re in time or not. Grabbing a ticket and waiting for that train, they don’t know if it has already passed or if it’s barely coming. Clueless, ignorant, but not helpless. They have the ability to adapt and overcome.

Right now, instead of subway stations and whatnot, it’s friends and life.

Is life still worth living even when you’re prepared to handle most of the situations handed to you? Sure, there are some things that might be worth your time to learn, or might not.

I just wish I wasn’t helpful. Because now, helping people has given me my own stratagem to surviving. Safe, very safe, but that comes with the price of boredom.

Right now, I don’t know who I want to be.

The one riding the train, knowing everything that’s rushing through life without any anticipation or fear of what might happen or the one that’s stuck, clueless of what might come next.

I really need to get sleep.